LynnMarie

Grammy Nominated Artist, Storyteller & Motivational Entertainer

To the Yet-to-be-met Friends

Over the weekend I was listening to one of my favorite audio books, “What to Remember When Waking, The Disciplines of an everyday Life” by David Whyte. He tells this great story about a time he held his daughter in his arms. And in the moonlight, he watched her little palm open and close, as sometimes children’s palms do when they are falling asleep, and he noticed the lines in her hand.

He realized that in a way, those lines represented her future life and her future potential.

And that as well as he knew her in that moment, people in her future world might know her better than he ever did.

I feel the same way about James. I know as much as I can possibly know about him right now.  What he likes to eat, how he sleeps, and what brings him joy. But the reality is, I will not be in his life forever. And I have to trust that the people who are with him when I’m gone, the friends he will have when he is forty or fifty, may know him better than I do.

There is such a great sadness in that thought, that it could easily make me spiral and bath myself in Tiramisu.

And I am aware that I am not alone in this fear, and that all parents with children probably feel the same way. But because James will likely not be able to care for himself completely, these future unknown life-helpers are on my mind and heart all the time.

We swam at a friend’s pool on Sunday. And watching James jump in the water never gets old. And that is the only way I stay away from the darkness. By knowing that in his future there will be a pool. And the ability to jump. Resulting in joy. This keeps me present and mostly away from sugar.

After I took this video, we snuggled on the patio furniture. He ate his pretzels and I stared at his palm. I ran my finger up and down his Palmar Crease.

And I said a prayer for the unknown life-givers, the yet-to-be-met friends, and for the person who will hold his hand when he is taking his last breath.

And I prayed that they will always take him to the pool, make sure he has Rold Gold (not Snyder’s) pretzels to eat, and mostly, to remind him how very much I loved him.

 

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Close Your Eyes And Run

Last week was THAT week. The one where you don’t get enough sleep, you eat Ruffles for dinner and

hope the underwear you picked up from “the pile” is in fact clean.

But I made it through.  Sometimes, you just have to close your eyes and run, and believe that you will eventually, get out of the storm. Which I did

.

James is adapting to the new crazy schedule as well, much to the love and support from The Village. Shout out to Catherine and Will & Colleen Mandell who have stepped up and become care-takers to both James and myself. (Oh, and house cleaners and grocery shoppers!) You are loved and appreciated. . , Thanks to the prayer warriors (Sara George & Sandy Ivey), I have felt every single one! And to my office mates Shaunna and Julie –  I love life with you in our little 9×12.

It’s Tuesday. And already things better and more doable than last week.

The rain has stopped in Nashville, the ground is become hard again. It always does.

Enjoy the moments.

Xo

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Friday morning reality check.

Making TV is a crazy business. Long hours. Lots of issues revolving around things like dressing rooms and make-up colors, the selection of food on the craft service table (must have a balance of Twizzlers and Organic dried edamame), and timing life down to the seconds – literally. “That take was 4.5 seconds, can we get it to 4.0?”
 
But a friend sent me this link this morning, and it brought me immediately back to what’s really important. Don’t get me wrong – working and making a living in order to eat and have a roof over your head – is definitely important. But once all that is covered… what then?
 
This article grounded me. After full week of 20 hour days and no sleep, I’m crying at my desk in gratitude. Big thanks to the mom who both shared my fear and calmed it.
 
My favorite quote was this… “In the end, success won’t be measured by academic performance or job placement. It will have more to do with accumulating small pleasures and filling your life with those. I don’t know why it never occurred to me: Your future should look like the best parts of your present.”
 
Hope you enjoy the read. Stay present.

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