LynnMarie

Grammy Nominated Artist, Storyteller & Motivational Entertainer

Farewell to Fido

fidoI nodded, which was the signal to my veterinarian to go ahead. I watched as he pushed the plunger full of sodium thiopental into the I.V. in Fido’s leg. I held on as tight as I could and cried as I whispered into Fido’s ear, “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry!” Then, the doctor pulled Fido out of my arms and I collapsed onto the floor.

My heart hurts today, even though it happened six months ago. But today is Fido’s half birthday, and we celebrate half birthdays in our house. So I’m remembering him and feeling the pain of that dreadful morning all over again. I share it with you not for sympathy but because I know that it is in the telling of what hurts us that we can continue to heal. And I need a bit more healing. It’s only when we are open and raw that light and fresh air and comfort get in. It’s spring and the flowers are blooming and coming back to life, which is what I feel like my heart is doing just a tiny bit. We all made it through the winter. Fido would have been 9 1/2 today, if I hadn’t had to put him to sleep.

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A Letter to Myself

LynnMarie and Jim -James' BirthIf I could go back nine years, here’s what I would say to the woman in this photo.

Hey. I know how scared you are right now. I know that your heart is beating a million times a minute and you are holding back buckets of tears. I know that you wanted this moment to be so much more than it is and much more than this picture captures. I know that when you saw and held your son for the first time you wanted to feel love and joy, but instead you felt nothing. And I’m so sorry.

But you know what, it’s all going to be okay. I know you can’t see it now, because you’re covered in pain, but one day your going to love him. One day, after you dig deep into your own soul and learn about your self and your brokenness your going to discover that what you are longing to feel, the connection you so desperately desire, is called unconditional love. And the little boy wrapped up in the blanket came here to teach you all about it.

But he couldn’t do if he came here like all the other little boys. He would have to be different. God gave your son something extra. In order to save you, he’d come to this world with Down syndrome.

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BIG NEWS!
THE BOOK IS COMING!

BIG NEWS!

THE BOOK IS COMING!

 
LynnMarie's Memoir will be released in March of 2016 on Post Hill Press. Please sign up for the mailng list if you would like info on how to order an advance copy or get a sneak preview of the book! 
 

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