“…new life starts in the dark. Whether it is a seed in the ground, a baby in the womb, or Jesus in the tomb, it starts in the dark.”
Barbara Brown Taylor
I spent all day Monday in bed. I knew depression had shown up big time. I’ve wrestled with it long enough to know it’s tricks, so I have a few of my own. On Tuesday, I headed to the park.
The worst thing you can do when you are depressed is to stay home alone and eat the entire bag of Oreo’s.
(Not that I’ve ever done that!) So, I walked and I walked and I walked. I let the cool breeze make my eyes water. I smiled at dogs and tried to say hello to strangers. And then it started. The melody first in my head, over and over it played. About one mile down the road I heard the first line,
“We all get something in this life, that we can’t change or fix.”
I started talking out loud to myself, at first in a sweet voice, but then in my stern dead mother’s voice, “Lynn, this is your life now. You tell everyone that it’s about acceptance of what ‘is’. You are always saying that you can’t ask ‘why’ or you will stay stuck, and that you must keep moving forward. So keep moving forward! Oh, and stop eating Oreo’s!” And then another line came into my head, and then another. By the time I finished the second mile, the entire song was written.
This song came out of darkness.
It came out of my own struggle with depression and the truth that having a special needs child in the end always comes down to daily acceptance of what is.
As typical humans living and breathing on this planet we have our struggles. We will worry about tomorrow and beat ourselves up for things we did last week, last month or when we were in college. We will over indulge, self-medicate and worry. Or at least I will. So, when I look at my special needs child, and I find myself thinking that he has a rough life, I remember that I have it all backwards.
Those born with the ability to live solely in the moment, they are in fact the lucky ones.
When I returned home from my walk I reached out to a couple friends. Depression wants you to believe that you are alone. It is a lie. I was not. Within twenty-four hours my community of support helped me shoot the video, record the track, gather photos and be able to share this with you.
I’m thankful for my journey and the gift of this song, that started in the dark.
Happy World Down Syndrome Day!
Here’s a short video we did on what the memoir is about. It’s CRAZY to think that this book started just a few years ago on this blog and now it’s in bookstores and on bookshelves all over the world!
Take a look…someone with something extra makes a special appearance!